Comments on: This time Slate gets my dander up.

By: Maria Ragucci

Maria Ragucci — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 19:41:15 +0000

A little late here, as always- I do agree that the mother crowed a bit too much- as if her son understood that she was right, instead of having been brow-beaten down.

By: Patrice Sarath

Patrice Sarath — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 00:24:39 +0000

But why does it have to be that way at all? The problem I saw was that these parents were using the occasion of their kids’ special day to say hey, you don’t deserve a special day.

I’m well aware that for most families, children are inundated with plenty of material goods. But that can be a teachable moment for the other 364 days.

Kids can have small parties. They don’t have to have a party every year. And parents can let them have the joy of receiving fun stuff from their friends.

Plus, the tone of the article was kind of icky, like she was boasting that she won. That’s why my letter was harsh. I was pretty pissed off on behalf of that kid.

By: Maria Ragucci

Maria Ragucci — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 15:07:54 +0000

This was an interesting insight for me that I really quite liked, but I, too, thought it was a little harsh. Consuelo’s comments were well-put.

My son is 13 and we skipped a party altogether this year, but in the previous three or four years, we specified no gifts. One year we did ask for gifts that we collected and donated to a local Children’s Hospital, but in the other years the reasoning was that the parties were large (the whole grade was invited-another loaded issue-which was about 50 kids)and thank you notes for so many gifts was such a chore.

I think the age is the key- 3 is way too young to start, but by the time the kids are older, if they haven’t been subject to this policy all along, they should be more receptive. Also, depends on the size of the group- if a small party, a few presents doesn’t seem too much.

By: alexi

alexi — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 21:21:45 +0000

I wish my mother had written a blog that people could have commented on and told her how self-serving her parenting was.

By: Patrice Sarath

Patrice Sarath — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 04:45:55 +0000

Consuelo, well, I kind of do. Which is terrible on my part, and quite judgmental. You are right.

By: Marshall Ryan Maresca

Marshall Ryan Maresca — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 03:53:58 +0000

I’m always a little troubled getting those “No gifts, do this instead” instructions for children’s birthdays. Because more often than not, it’s not about the child at all.

By: Consuelo Grant

Consuelo Grant — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 02:29:35 +0000

“It’s because you and your husband are using the occasion of their birthdays to show off.” Well said Patrice. “so-called values.” That was a little snarky, the “so-called” part.

I was listening to a radio conversation today about social justice. One of the panelist brought up the point that strict justice is injustice. I think that would apply to these parents and their sad…oh so sad… idea of a birthday party. Children should learn not to be greedy – Strick justice. The “ungreedy” birthday party – injustice.

Parts of your letter I thought were more biting than instructive. “Seriously, it’s probably too late now to make things right.” Knowing you, I know you mean the last party, not her relationship with her children. But,after words & comments like; so-called, cred,”do you just save it up,” Ms. Bazelton might think you mean her parenthood is hopeless.

I stand with you in the point you wanted to make. Let’s hope those kids get better birthday parties from now on.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:28:38 +0000

Amen. You said it perfect.
It breaks my heart that they see their children as greedy. I guess they do not see themselves as bores?